Chronic illness has a way of exposing true friends out from among the frauds. I wish this wasn’t true because being alone isn’t a fun place to be. It seems like when things start to snowball and maybe you get a diagnosis or while you’re on the journey, that friends would pull tight around a person. They don’t. Fraud friends drop you like the proverbial hot potato. No, they don’t come out and say it; they just disappear. Poof, gone.
A month ago my daughter was diagnosed with Ehler’s Danlos Syndrome. This month I had to take another daughter (with possible EDS) to a neurology appointment. We were told yesterday that they want an MRI to rule out Chiari Malformation.
I was shocked at the total silence from supposed good friends. People that didn’t bother to check in to see how the big appointment went or how I felt. That’s life now, though. Now, I’m not saying this as a way to guilt anyone. I know that life gets busy from time to time for everyone but it becomes painfully obvious how busy everyone gets when you need them the most.
I had three calls yesterday and a small handful of messages. Little by little my circle of friends is shrinking. Maybe they’re tired of hearing about my kids. Maybe they don’t know what to say. If they’re tired of hearing about the kids, well…I didn’t need them for friends anyway. If they don’t know what to say I wish that they would understand that saying anything is better than silence.
I do know that the few that have stuck beside me like a rock are proving that they’re really good friends. Not many friends would find a sitter for her own children so that I wasn’t alone at such a big appointment. Yes, I really have a friend willing to do that for me.This battle has shown me the beauty and value of true friends who will be there for you if they can.
I wish I could wrap this up with some wonderful word of advice to other parents who struggle with this but I really can’t. Just hang in there. Treasure the friends you have that stick by you and simply let go of the hurt of the friends who have deserted you. Find support groups in your hometown and online. Make new friends that understand you and that can relate to you. It looks like that is what I’m going to have to do as well!
Have you ever felt deserted by your friends? Share your comments and suggestions below!