I don’t know what her future holds and honestly? I’m okay with that. God does know her future and that’s good enough for me!
Someone asked me recently how the future looked for my daughters. You know, since the Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome(EDS) diagnosis. I admit, I was slightly taken aback. It was said with a tone of pity. The tone that automatically put thoughts in my head of all the “what ifs” that can happen with EDS. Frankly, for a few days I just felt completely drained and depressed. How can I know that my daughters will be okay? How can I know that everything is going to turn out exactly how it should? What if she ends up in a wheelchair? What if she has heart problems? What if x, y, or z all flew to my mind when I was asked this question and I really didn’t know how to respond.
When I was asked this question, I started to panic. I spent a good week just going over things in my mind. You know all the normal things parents worry about? Well, I don’t just have to worry if my child will go to college and do well. I have to worry if she can even survive going to college. Can she keep up with the demands? Would she be able to live by herself at that point or need special considerations getting to and from class?
Then I thought about her future spouse. I don’t only have to worry about her finding a good, loving spouse but also one that is going to understand her physical needs. Will he support her? What if she can’t work and contribute towards the home? Will she be able to carry children or will it be too hard for her? Will her future spouse understand if she wants to adopt rather than have biological children? Will he be prepared for the possibility that she could pass this condition on to their children and can he cope with things if that child does in fact inherit EDS?
YES, I want grandchildren! Will I have them? What if my child needs extra help taking care of her own babies? I’m in my mid thirties already and am in the process of getting an EDS diagnosis myself. What if I can’t help her? What if I’m not able to help take care of my future grandbabies and help my daughter(s) out? What if my daughter can’t even carry a child? Will she face the heartbreak of miscarriages? Will my heart have to break right along with hers when she says goodbye to another failed pregnancy?
I was driving myself crazy! I had no answers. I still don’t. I want my children to be happy, healthy and successful. I want them to find love. I would love to have precious grandchildren to love, hug and cherish.
Suddenly, the light bulb went on. No one knows the future. There’s not a mom on this planet that can say with certainty where life will take her and her children. If I spend my days worrying about what the future holds, I’m going to miss out on amazing moments with my children. It isn’t to say that I shouldn’t pray for my children’s future but I shouldn’t have worry for the future.
Do you struggle with these worries like I do?
PRAY. Don’t Worry! God has this thing all figured out anyway and he certainly didn’t make a mistake when he gave me children with EDS. He knows their future.
Like Eve in the garden, I was worrying about having knowledge of things that God doesn’t mean for me to have knowledge of. He wants me to live in the now and not let fear and worry eat away at today’s love and happiness.
He wants me to cast my cares onto Him. Honestly, I can’t think of anyone better to trust my children to. So, if she does end up in a wheelchair or can’t go to college or if she suffers heartbreak–well, God will be there with her. He’ll be there for the both of us. It’ll just be our life and we’ll learn to live with it. Until then, I’m going to keep praying and asking God to help me trust that I don’t worry about those things. Sure, these things may happen. It doesn’t mean for certainty that they will and like I said, if they do it isn’t like God’s going to leave me.
So, this is just me, spilling my guts at almost 3 a.m. because I needed to get it off of my chest. I needed to let others know that they aren’t alone. Even as I’m typing I am praying that the dear person reading this is wrapped in the love and peace of Christ.
This is my letter to you,
If you’re worried, pray. If you’re feeling overwhelmed? Pray. Don’t ask yourself all of the crazy what ifs that you can’t possibly know the answer to. It’s no way to live. I can’t sit here and honestly tell you that I will never worry again and that I won’t fall for this trap in the future. I can tell you that when I do, I know I won’t be alone and that once again God will have to give me this reminder. Maybe this is His reminder to you. If it is, I pray that it helps in some way. I am a simple woman and I do not have the best way with words. I am not a Bible Scholar or a minister that knows the right words to say and just at the right time. What I can say is that I too am a mom and I’ve had to learn this lesson as well. You are not alone. I’m right here in the same boat with you. Most importantly–God will be there controlling the storm.